No Time For “Lasts”
Well, graduation is a week away. When they say time flies when you’re having fun….I didn’t believe it until I got to college. The joyous evenings of laughter with the roommates, all-nighters with some girls down the hall and thousands of minutes of laughter all contained into one moment when I walk across that stage.
This season of life has not been without it’s difficulties. Both of my parents got remarried along with my two older sisters. One of my freshman roommates passed away due to cancer. I struggled with serious anxiety and depression. Juggling, at most, 3 jobs at a time in the midst of scholarship commitments, classes and a social life.
This has been a season that has hit every high and fell to the lowest of lows. I wish I could savor that last bit of flavor as I finish up my week. People keep highlighting my ‘lasts’ for this season. Last Essay. Last roommates. Last time dealing with dirty cars in parking lots.*Colter*
But when I am asked how I am doing with the end of a chapter, I have to say, I have no idea. The busyness of the last week of school has swallowed me whole and leaves me with no other escape. 2 Essays, a 2 page screenplay, 8 short answers, a presentation and a quiz. Yup, that is what the agenda reads. Plus finishing up my jobs and moving out of my apartment.
I wish I had enough time for lasts. But I guess I’m expecting my “lasts” to actually happen. It gives a solid closing of this season and tops it off with a cherry. But most other things in life aren’t finished with monumental ceremony or grand finale. Most lasts are never understood to be the last. Most lasts are in a hurried attempt to finish everything all at once. They are an attempt to capture a moment and soak in all of the artificial emotion and attraction.
I will have lasts at GCU, whether I realize it at the time or not. I know the last time I will sit in my uncomfortably small cubicle, and I know the last time I will leave my apartment, but that’s about it. The rest of them will be in humble goodbyes as if it wasn’t the last time. But that’s the way I want to finish this time off, not with fanfare, but with a simple ending. Because it’s not the ending that matters so much, it was everything that comes before the end that matters the most.
“When King Lear dies in Act V, do you know what Shakespeare has written? He’s written “He dies.” That’s all, nothing more. No fanfare, no metaphor, no brilliant final words. The culmination of the most influential work of dramatic literature is “He dies.” It takes Shakespeare, a genius, to come up with “He dies.” And yet every time I read those two words, I find myself overwhelmed with dysphoria. And I know it’s only natural to be sad, but not because of the words “He dies.” but because of the life we saw prior to the words.”- Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium